Beyond the Show - Talk Hard 36

There was so much ground to cover after four weeks without Talk Hard! On Episode 36 we decided to dig through a ton of Hollywood news with a game of Yay or Nay.

YAY or NAY

• Daniel Craig signs on for two more Bonds - YAY:Todd & Scott  NAY:Allen
• Letterman on Netflix - NAY if he keeps the prospector beard
• Seth Meyers rebooting The Munsters - NAY
• Hasselhoff wants to relaunch Knight Rider starring himself - YAY
• Macchio and Zabka launching a Cobra Kai show on YouTube RED - YAY
• Will Avatar last through all four planned sequels - NAY
• Wonder Woman a Best Picture contender - NAY
• Will Captain Marvel be the first Marvel Studios flop? - YAY
• Is Spider-Man: Homecoming the best Spider-Man movie? - YAY:Allen  NAY:Todd & Scott

1893 Pepsi Taste Test

Well Pepsi's fancy new cola turned out to be all can and no flavor. At least in my opinion. It kind of tasted like Pepsi, only weaker; so I'm not sure how they can claim it's a "bold spin" on the original cola. This one is the opposite of bold. And Allen was turned off by the after-taste. However, as we said, Todd is the real cola connoisseur among us and he gave it the thumbs up. So for the official record, here were the results...

• Scott: MEH
• Allen: GROSS
• Todd: THUMBS UP

Space Cops t-shirt

We covered episodes 4-7 in great detail so there isn't much additional info I could provide here. But, I can talk about our t-shirt drawing. After we reached 100 subscribers on the Space Cops YouTube Channel, we drew the winner of a Space Cops shirt on the show (and live on Facebook). Congrats Greg Pursifull. We also announced that if you aren't Greg, you have one more chance to win a t-shirt. All you have to do is rate Talk Hard on iTunes. You get your name in the hat once for a rating (we love 5 stars, but that's up to you) and twice if you also write a review. But HURRY; the YouTube drawing was one in a hundred, this drawing is one out of the next twenty ratings.

Force Watch: The Greasy Strangler

On the pod, I don't believe I adequately explained just how PO'd this movie made me. Allow me to clarify. Anyone can make this garbage. Anyone. This isn't the product of an avant-garde genius; it's the thoroughly lazy scribblings of a man bereft of any true imagination. Do you know what's difficult in filmmaking? It's taking the audience on a journey full of text and subtext, delivering them to the destination you intended and holding their attention all the while. It takes no talent as a writer to go from scene to scene asking yourself, "What's the weirdest thing that can happen now?" and moving on. As much as the film festival circle might argue otherwise, absurdity is not a genre. People do it because it's easy. It doesn't take effort. It is difficult to move and surprise an audience in intellectually honest ways. It is difficult to construct jokes with punchlines and create genuinely funny scenarios. Absurdity relieves those burdens. You can easily shock and disgust over and over without being beholden to a plot or the need to tell a story that ultimately makes sense in any fashion. You can repeat a nonsensical phrase over and over and over in hopes that the audience's awkward discomfort leaves them no choice but to laugh. That isn't comedy. I could walk up to a lady on the street and act bizarre enough to illicit nervous laughter. That doesn't mean I'm funny; it means she was afraid for her life. She isn't going to go home and tell everyone she met a comedian. So, just in case I wasn't clear... The Greasy Strangler is hot garbage and the worst kind of idiotic drivel that passes itself off as art. Anyone who lauds this movie as such...

"Insanely compelling and funny, one of the best films of 2016" (Empire Magazine)

...is a self-important moron who believes they're the only one smart enough to "get it." Liking an unpopular band doesn't mean you have elite taste and can hear what no one else can hear, it means you like a crappy band. And finally, for the love of all that's holy, do not watch The Greasy Strangler on our account.

OH... and I kept saying the phrase from the movie wrong. It was "Hootie Tootie Disco Cutie." (Of course. Because Tootie Frootie Disco Cutie would just be stupid. I'm so embarrassed.) There are two scenes of this. THEY DO IT TWICE!! And I refuse to embed either. I can't even link them here because there's wayyyyy too much skin involved. So... yeah. Thanks for listening everybody. We'll effort another episode soon.

Beyond the Show - Talk Hard 34

Well that show had a little bit of everything didn't it? If you haven't heard Episode 34, here's your link. From Guardians of the Galaxy, to movie and TV props, SNL, ancient technology, and of course Dolph Lundgren not being the greatest house guest... let's dig a little deeper and get Beyond the Show.

VHS Tapes

We learned Todd Sheene and Dad Sheene still use a Video Cassette Recorder! To record things!! On the television!!! He also informed us that VCRs are no longer being built. Apparently, the last VCR ever made rolled off the assembly line at Funai Electric in July of last year. Funai started making VCRs in 1983 and at one point was selling 15,000,000 of those buggers a year! In 2016 they sold 750,000 units which is still kind of amazing when you think about it.

What we didn't know is whether or not anyone was still making VHS tapes, but now I have an answer for you and that answer is NO. In fact, the last VHS tape was reportedly produced in 2008! So whatever stock is leftover on warehouse shelves somewhere - that's it. If Todd's Dad wants to keep his machine in use, he better snag some tapes while he can. There are a handful to be found on Amazon, but as you can see... the end is nigh.

Sony TPS-L2

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We talked about Sony Walkman prices spiking on eBay thanks to Guardians of the Galaxy. Apparently lots of people would like to get their hands on the same model Star Lord totes around the cosmos. While I was finding the going rate on eBay, Todd and Allen took guesses at the original price for a TPS-L2. Allen guessed $30, Todd guessed $50, and it turns out they were way off the mark. A brand new Sony TPS-L2 retailed for $150 on July 1, 1979! (Which supposedly equates to 500 bucks in today's dollars with inflation.) If you you're hooked on Walkman history, you can read more about it here. Hey, remember when Sony made quality products? (If you're under the age of 30, the answer is no.)

TV Props

We also discussed the ScreenBid website where you can buy props from several TV shows and movies. I asked if 1) they would want a prop from their favorite show and 2) how much they were willing to pay for it. Here are our chosen props:

• Scott:  Roger Sterling's desk/glasses/whatever - Mad Men
• Allen:  Barney's hat or Andy's guitar - The Andy Griffith Show
• Todd:  Barnabas Collins' cane - Dark Shadows

Todd and I maxed out at $1000 on how much we were willing to pay for a screen-used prop. Allen, on the other hand, said he'd spend "divorce worthy" money - somewhere above $5,000 but below 10.

So, how about you? What's the prop you would pay to have and how much would you fork over? Let us know on Twitter or Facebook. Also, don't forget to do us a huge favor: give us a rating and review on iTunes. If you'd like us to keep making the show, that's how you can make it happen.

Beyond the Show - Talk Hard 33

These are my favorite riffs from Mystery Science Theater 3000: Episode 907 "Hobgoblins". It's one of the best episodes of MST3K in my personal opinion.

There it is. An image of the greatest rake fight in cinematic history. If you've already listened to Talk Hard 33 or you're a huge Hobgoblins fan, you're already well aware. If not, pop on over and listen to the full breakdown of Rick Sloane's critter genre masterpiece. I've included the MST3K highlights, but you can watch the whole movie on YouTube if your heart so desires.

SPACE COPS

Of course the topic that had everyone buzzing from this episode was our big announcement: Space Cops is back. After more than 30 years on a shelf in a San Diego County salt mine, the entire series has found its way into the hands of Walk Softly Films. The first twelve episodes have been lovingly restored and the re-release begins this month! You'll probably want to join the rest of the country and make the countdown your homepage. Have at it friends. This is a celebration and we're happy you're along for the ride.

Beyond the Show - Talk Hard 28

If you haven't heard the 28th episode of the Talk Hard movie podcast, do your ears a favor. Now, the rest of you know we really covered the gamut; from raising the roof, to fishy snacks, to laser tag, the NBA, and the NFL. So, allow me to add some color to a few of the topics that were discussed.

Kipper Snacks

Todd revealed he has never eaten a kipper snack, which begged the question: What is a kipper snack?? As always, Wikipedia is there to illuminate us:

A kipper is a whole herring, a small, oily fish, that has been split into a butterfly fashion from tail to head along the dorsal ridge, gutted, salted or pickled, and cold-smoked over smouldering woodchips (typically oak).

In the United Kingdom, the Isle of Man, Japan, and a minority of North American regions, they are often eaten for breakfast. In Great Britain, kippers, along with other preserved smoked or salted fish such as the bloater and buckling, were also once commonly enjoyed as a high tea or supper treat, most popularly with inland and urban working-class populations before World War II.

Yum?

HOT SPORTS TAKES

As a nod to the Super Bowl, each of us delivered our most controversial sports opinion (that we truly believe).

• Allen:  Michael Jordan not only isn't the GOAT. He is also not in the Top 5 best NBA players of all time.
• Todd:  The 1980's were the greatest era of the NBA and will never be surpassed.
• Scott:  Would gladly dissolve the NFL forever to move future athletes into US Soccer.

So which one is the most controversial/dumb?

We gave our honest sports opinions on #TalkHard. Which one is most controversial/dumb?

— The WSF Guys (@WalkSoftlyFilms) February 20, 2017

Silent Night, Deadly Night 2

And since we save the best for last, here is the incredible montage of Eric Freeman's eyebrow work that Todd mentioned. Again, this is just the smallest taste. In the history of cinema, you'll never experience its kind again.

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 was a horrible 80's horror flick. It's so bad it's good. Go see it! For now, I have made a montage of main actor Eric Freeman's crazy eyebrows, which seem to be fluctuating by every syllable. Why isn't he in movies anymore?

Beyond the Show - Talk Hard 26

Have you heard the new podcast? Out of everything we talked about, this is what we need to show you. A Kentucky boy burning 30 Rockefeller Center to the ground.

Dude. Sturgill just murdered Bro Country on live television. Let's hope it stays dead.

Beyond the Show - Talk Hard 20

On the twentieth episode of Talk Hard, we named our Top 10 Television Shows of all time and compared them to Rolling Stones' recent Top 100 list which was rife with egregious error. I'll give you all three of our lists here in written form. As a side note, Saturday Night Live was a unanimous choice and we all agreed that the Phil Hartman casts were the best era of the show, so... that's decided. You're welcome.

Allen

Kolchak the Night Stalker

• The Andy Griffith Show
• The Office
• Seinfeld*
• Breaking Bad
• Mystery Science Theater 3000
• SNL*
• Chappelle's Show
• Arrested Development*
• WWE Raw
• Sons of Anarchy

Todd

• Seinfeld*
• Breaking Bad
• SNL*
• The Wonderful World of Disney
• Kolchak the Night Stalker
• Arrested Development*
• Curb Your Enthusiasm
• Good Times
• Happy Days
• News Radio

Scott

• Mad Men
• Seinfeld*
• The Wonder Years
• MST3K
• SNL*
• Late Nite with David Letterman
• Arrested Development*
• The Simpsons
• The Muppet Show

The lists are in no particular order, but The Andy Griffith Show, Seinfeld, and Mad Men are our respective favorites overall.

*Unanimous choices

Beyond the Show - Talk Hard 10

Well, there they are. Our spirit animals. Or what we look like on the inside. Or something. On the show, I posed the question:  If you could look like one actor in his prime for six months of your life, who would it be? Allen picked Burt Reynolds circa 1972 (Deliverance). Todd went with Warren Beatty ca. 1971 (Dollars). And I had to go Redford ca. 1977 (A Bridge Too Far). So, ladies... who made the right call?

So, ladies... Who are you going with?

— The WSF Guys (@WalkSoftlyFilms) July 15, 2016

The Greatest Story in Comics

At the end of the show, I told you about Doctor Strange & Doctor Doom: Triumph & Torment, written by Roger Stern and illustrated by Mike Mignola. It's the greatest story I've ever read in comics (and I've read a lot), so let me tell you why.

The Story

The whole thing is based on an in-canon premise that goes all the way back to Astonishing Tales #4 by Gerry Conway and Gene Colan. Every Midsummer’s Eve, Doctor Doom attempts to rescue his mother’s soul from Hell and each year the struggle ends in a stalemate.

Through a clever and intricate first act, Doom  wins a favor from Dr. Strange that he's obligated to fulfill. Doom will use that favor in a carefully crafted plan to win back his mother’s soul once and for all. Dr. Strange and Dr. Doom versus Hell. Science and sorcery and all the weirdness that comes along with them. And, just like Strange, you're left waiting for the other shoe to drop; keeping one eye on Doom and questioning his true intent.

The Characters

Triumph and Torment also probably stands as the greatest telling of both Dr. Doom and Dr. Strange's origin stories. The parallels it draws between the two and the way it intertwines their fates is spellbinding (if you will) and makes both more intriguing. And although Dr. Strange gets top-billing, make no mistake, this is Victor Von Doom's story. Stan Lee was always of the opinion that, although the character was megalomaniacal, he was also honorable and noble. Stern picks up where Conway/Colan left off and presents the best characterization I've seen of Doom to date. For the first time, I saw what Stan saw. Dr. Doom's sense of honor and nobility makes perfect sense and his megalomania is born from unwavering belief that he can provide a better way, a better life, for everyone on Earth. This is the perfect version of Doom. In the hands of lesser writers he has always been one note, bent on world domination simply for the sake of it. This is what drives me insane when I watch Fantastic Four movies. He is unquestionably the greatest villain in comics when you allow him his depth and complexities, yet he's been utterly wasted on screen.

The Art

You may or may not know him as the creator of Hellboy, but this was Mike Mignola becoming Mike Mignola. You can see his unmistakable style taking form. The same book that became my favorite story and made Dr. Doom my favorite character, also gave me my favorite artist. Mignola captures what no one else can and needs less to do it. He's almost an impressionist. Combine his pencil work with paint and inks by Mark Badger and the book is gorgeous. It makes for an interesting combo because Mignola almost always inks his own pencils and Badger's line work is distinctively thinner, his blacks noticeably less prominent.

The Movie

In closing, I'll say this. Triumph & Torment is the best superhero movie that will never be made. It is perfectly structured for the screen and the spectacle would be incredible. To think about Cumberbatch playing out the story opposite this Doom gives me chills. Unfortunately, Dr. Doom will continue to be trapped with the incompetent ninnies at Fox for the foreseeable future.

If you'd like to read it, it's on the Marvel Comics app for ten bucks and Marvel Unlimited if you have a subscription. Or you could go old school and order up that paper version.