cannonball: eucalypti

Tony just bolted from his paper delivery duties and fills in the Bandit while they look for Lou.  I always liked this line that Todd ad-libbed mid-scene.  And unlike after most of his ad-libs, I managed not to laugh immediately.  So enjoy this very short deleted scene from Cannonball and remember, DVD's are only $4.99.

derby city

We're headed back to the Derby City Film Festival after a one year hiatus!  Who wants to come along?  Bizarnival is scheduled to play at 4pm, Saturday, February 18th.  The venue is the Eifler Theater in the Clifton Center, a very cool venue built in 1929 and a building with plenty of history where people apparently get hitched on a regular basis.  I don't think anyone is getting married that day (Except you...to great films. Mrawrararar) but you never know.  Be sure to check the lineup and see if any of the other films tickle your fancy.

A Year Later...

It has been a year since we lost our friend and collaborator Dr. Alan Ross last New Year's Eve. Another post was needed to make sure all of you out there remember not only Dr. Jezik from Cannonball, but a son, brother, friend, doctor and above all else one of the most wonderful human beings that has ever graced this terrestrial plain. There are so many of you who have been touched by the man who took care of your pets (myself included) as if they were his own and treated you as if you were the only client he had. I had the pleasure of knowing Alan since I was about eight years old and I can say he was one of the funniest people I have ever known. Our relationship strengthened in church and school and the journey from then to now is kind of what James Taylor was talking about in the Secret O' Life. Enjoying the passage of time. There is not a day that goes by that I don't want to call him and tell him something only he would think was funny, because it was me telling him and we just got each other. His number is still in my AT&T top ten, can't seem to get rid of it. As 2012 approaches, keep your friends in mind and don't feel awkward telling them you love them and how much they mean to you. Be thankful for those friends you have that are still here to share those dumb jokes and crazy observations, and also be thankful for the friendships you had that have made you the person you are today. To Alan, you walked softly with us and you continue to inspire us and make us smile all our days. Thank you and cheers.

happy holidays!

These fine lads and lass will not let evil pervade their holiday times and neither should you. Walk Softly would like to wish you all a Happy Bonanza of glad tidings and good will. What will you do differently in 2012 besides wait for the end of the Mayan calendar? Keep a good feeling and be a nice human as consistently as possible. Peace.

cannonball: son of satan

Happy Holidays, it's another Cannonball deleted scene!  At the diner, Tony fills Lou in on how the other GWA wrestlers have been coping since Captain Cannonball left them in the lurch.  Some notes:

• I really wanted to keep the Son of Satan character in the movie. He made me laugh and the character was one of the GWA originals. Curtis McGirr filled the role here.

• SOS has supposedly found work as a bag boy at a super market and it never fails to make me laugh when he wants this lady to make the 3-count for him.

• I have no idea if anyone saw what we were doing in the Danville Walmart parking lot, but if they did, I'd love to know.

• The wrestler lying-in-wait is the Cuban Assassin. Another original. You have a keen eye if you noticed there are some flowing blonde locks peeking out from under that hood. Could this guy actually be Randall Powers? Ahhhh, the mysteries of the Assassin!

lookin' good

Jed Gyurina is one of our favorite people and also a film-festival-award-winning force of nature.  He sent us this picture of himself getting things done in the cow pastures of Pennsylvania.  Here he points out the star of his next project, War Cow.  (PS - not really, and I reserve all rights to the concept of War Cow.)  But one fact that cannot be denied is that our friend looks super stylish in that Bizarnival t-shirt!  So, thank you, Jed for spreading the word of Bizarnival up north!

cannonball: pussyfoot

How about another Cannonball deleted scene to start your week?  Bass Adkins unleashes a full-on verbal assault and brings back a word that has been missing from our vocabulary for FAR too long.  Here are a few notes about this scene:

• There was a belching sheep on the set.  This thing had problems.  I might try to find and upload some of the outtakes he caused because they were plentiful and epic.
• We shot at dusk, so the colors are all over the place and I haven’t corrected them for this deleted scene.
• The first time we shot at this location, the farm was being leased by our friend JR Zinner.  When we went back for reshoots, we didn’t know JR wasn’t leasing it anymore.  So, when the current farmer showed up, we had some awkward moments; especially since we had Bass’ shotgun with us.
• Multiple shoots led to a number of continuity problems.  You'll notice Todd's jacket disappears in a reaction shot.  All of those were eliminated in the final edit.
• Like many others, this scene was a casualty of the exhaustive and manic effort to trim about 30 minutes off the movie and get it under 100 minutes.  Every second counted, so this bit had to go since it wasn’t necessary for the story.  Just consider how different our lives could have been today had this made the final cut, as Bass Adkins certainly would have vaulted “pussyfoot” into our everyday vocabulary.

7 Most Hated Holiday Movies

As you could probably tell from the tone of my list of favorite holiday movies, I'm not a fan of most films that are festively themed. I feel like most of them are cheesy, monotonous, over done, generic, unoriginal, and mentally insulting. It's like Hollywood knows we'll shell out money to see anything revolving around this time of year no matter how bad it is. 

There are exceptions, but for me, they are few and far between. So I have weeded through the worst of the worst to compile a list of what I personally feel are the 7 most detestable. The ones that make me feel like I've taken a shot in the pumpkin pecan pie hole from a giant yule log right after getting the mistletoe treatment from Ebenezer Scrooge and drinking some Rudolph poo-flavored egg nog. And I hate egg nog.

SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE

Ok, let's be honest; at 8 years old, is there a person in the world that you think is more awesome than Santa Claus? So, as an 8 year old, when I hear that there is going to be a movie about the greatest person on the planet, I am pumped! And I distinctly remember, as soon as it was over, thinking "That was the most boring thing I've ever seen in my life. And why was there so much McDonald's in it?" When you're 8, and you notice an obscene amount of product placement, it's ridiculous. And it is still, to this day, the biggest product-placement deal of all time for a movie. Aside from the fact that it was a 2 hour commercial, the story was lame. An evil toy tycoon takes advantage of a misguided elf to industrialize toy production at the North Pole. Yeah, it was as bad as it sounds.

HOME ALONE 2: LOST IN NEW YORK

You might recall that Home Alone was on my list of favorite holiday movies. So why is Home Alone 2 a stinker? For one thing, sequels are rarely as good as the originals anyway. And this one was no exception. For another thing, if you get caught up in the rush of getting to the airport with 15 people and forget someone once, then it's humorously neglectful. If you lose him again under any circumstances for any reason, it's criminally negligent and we are all wanting to call Child Protective Services and get Kevin the heck out of there. To me, a classic example of why you should leave a good thing alone.

THE GRINCH

Please, somebody, anybody, tell me why in the world animated classics keep getting made into live-action movies. Have any of them ever been anything more than massively disappointing? Garfield even got Bill Murray to be the voice of the fat feline, and it was still awful. The Grinch keeps this tradition alive. The problem I have with it is that it takes what I love about the story of the Grinch (Christmas is more than "stuff"; it's about heart) and doesn't practice it in production. EVERYTHING is over done, even if it wasn't necessary. It was almost like they wanted to see how much money they could spend on making the movie, and gave Jim Carrey the green light to be as over-the-top as he wanted, and it just all feels forced. Plus, Max the dog sucked...

SANTA WITH MUSCLES

This movie saved Jingle All the Way from making this list. They were released at exactly the same time in 1996, so I can't help but compare the two. And Santa With Muscles is by far the worst. Which is no easy task. The reason I even saw it in the first place is because I was an incredibly hopeless pro-wrestling geek in the 90's so, anything that involved one of it's icons, I was going to give a shot. So here's the plot: Hulk Hogan plays a fugitive from justice who disguises himself in a Santa costume. After a blow to the head that knocks him silly, he regains consciousness only to believe that he is the jolly old elf himself. So he spends the rest of the movie doing good deeds and making up for his former lifestyle. I don't think I need to say anything else at this point.

PRANCER

There are three movies that I have ever walked out on before it was over:  First Knight, In and Out, and this little gem. I was 12, so I'm not even sure what in the world was going through my mind when I decided I wanted to see a movie about one of Santa's steeds being nursed back to health by a little girl, but it didn't take the full duration of it for me to regret it. I stood up, walked out mid-film, and, in the middle of December, walked home. The film may not be as bad as I remember it, and honestly I can't remember much about it, but from the 12-year-old critic inside of me, it's the worst holiday movie I've ever not finished.

CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS

Has anybody in the history of film benifited more from the big budget, star-studded, campy, generic comedies than Tim Allen? You've got Wild Hogs, you've got For Richer or Poorer, you've got Jungle 2 Jungle, and you've got this holiday stinker. Why, oh why did he feel like he needed to branch away from The Santa Clause franchise? I honestly don't remember even smiling one time during the whole thing. I mean, is it just me, or are Botox jokes in a Christmas movie as out of place as Samuel L. Jackson preaching at a Baptist church. The circumstances surrounding the film's premise just came off kind of stupid and a little erratic. It's basically about a couple who are trying to run from and avoid Christmas. Someone should have told Tim to do the same thing from this script.

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE

I am already preparing for the backlash I'm going to get from putting this on the list, but I have to be true to myself and the readers, and I hate this movie. It's a Christmas movie about suicide. A Christmas movie..........about suicide. Aren't the holidays tough enough for some people? Now I know it has a happy ending, and I know that there is a touching, heart warming message. But it's a Christmas movie. About. Suicide. And I know it was the 40's, but there is enough cheese in this movie to supply Kirchoff's deli for a year.

I Love Lucy and The Honeymooners are the only thing from around this time period that I can compare it to, but neither one of them are this blatantly corny. And I don't like corny if it's unintentional. Also, is it just me, or is it a complete, unabashed rip off of Dickens' A Christmas Carol to have a "higher being" show you past, present, and future around Christmas time? "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings." Well, every time this movie is on, Allen gets an impulse to set his TV on fire.

So there they are. My 7 most despised films for the holidays. Hopefully your favorite is not on the list, but if it is, let me have it. I probably deserve it. And please feel free to add to the list in the comments. Or just let me know what you think. I limited my list to movies that had theatrical releases, but feel free to branch out to the made-for-TV awfulness. I'd love to hear about some of those too.

Oh, and MERRY CHRISTMAS from the whole WSF gang. We love ya!

stocking stuffer

We're quickly approaching D-Day or, in this case, C-Day.  Do you have your stocking stuffers?  Guess what.  We have the perfect thing for everyone on your list!  Cannonball DVD's are now only $4.99!!  Yes, that is insane.  The Bomber got one last year and, as you can see, he was stoked.  Every dollar that goes into the WSF coffers goes directly to making more goofy/wonderful productions which means you're funding a questionably worthwhile cause! Autographed copies and pages of the script are also marked down, so go get yours and I'll have it in the mail the very next day!

Learn anything you want to know about Cannonball at CannonballMovie.com

cannonball: straws

Some of you said you'd like to see Cannonball deleted scenes.  Well, here you go.  This first scene was one of the earliest set pieces in the script.  It was an idea Allen and I discussed when we had a very similar experience in the drive-thru line at Sonic.  (Hence, Tony acts out our wish fulfillment here.)  You'll notice that most of the deleted scene edits are rougher around the edges.  This one has uncorrected vignetting around the edges thanks to our janky wide-angle adaptor.  In the final version of the film, each and every one of those shots was corrected with effects software.

Within the next few days, Cannonball DVD's will have a significant price cut, so get hyped and get your dollars ready.